​God’s word declares in Isaiah, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Yet I expect them to be.
Why? Because I want what I want. It’s convenient. It’s comfortable. It’s safe. It’s easy. But what I’ve come to realize is that when my life is any of those four listed, I’m not living in God’s will for my days. He is pretty much the opposite.
I once had someone ask me how I know when God is speaking to me or answering prayer and I told them “because it’s pretty much the opposite of what I was expecting or it’s an answer that wasn’t even in the realm of my thought process.” True story.
So here’s the thing, it’s a choice. We can choose to live in safety and continue praying for security, or we can live the life designed for us, the supernatural life. On any day I hate my life and love my life, but on the days I submit to His will for my breaths, those are the transformative days. The days that matter. The days that change the world. The days that make me weep more than I should, and the days that give me a glimpse into Heaven.
Quit being disappointed in God, for His ways will never be your ways, but they will be the right ways. Fall into the story He’s written for you. You will definitely be surprised

,Twice in my life I've been able to visit countries where English was not the first language. In most of the visited cities, it wasn't even the second. I'm not sure if you've had such an opportunity, but it's exciting and scary at the same time. Will I get lost? Will I wind up in a not so friendly location? Will I be able to read signs, order from a menu, find a public restroom? Unsettling, at least for me. Before going on these trips I tried to learn some basic speech phrases, all for naught. Apparently neither French or Spanish are my second language, as I thought I ordered spaghetti and got brains. Yuck.

This week has been a weird one. It started with a full moon, and every night I dreamt about a person or pet who has died. One, just one, every single night. The headlines in the news and the comments on social media have put everyone's emotions high and opinions bold, including mine. This morning I woke in my warm house, used my bathroom, made my way to let the dog out, gave the pets their breakfast, poured my coffee and added my cream, all in a completely silent house. Settled back on my bed and got my reading materials together, covered with my comforter, and was ready for my morning God time.

Can you picture it? The ability and means to start my day, pretty much every day, this way? But today, instead of starting with my online Bible study, I went to Facebook, only to see a friend’s post and a photo detailing her night. She lives on the Mexico/US border and she was on a plane as part of her job. A plane full of refugees from around the globe. She expressed how there was confusion as many didn't even know where to sit, but eventually a couple and their baby sat next to her. They asked her if she knew Spanish, as they were from Chile, and God in his infinite wisdom, made sure they sat next to someone who did. Questions were answered about connecting flights, and my friend was able to find out that the only possession they had was the food in a bag they were given.

Let's stop here for a moment. Walk in their shoes. Use your imagination and see. You're a parent with a baby in a foreign land, not knowing the language, or even if where you are going is safe. But, you're willing to go there because you heard it's safer than from where you came. It's a gamble. A giant crap shoot. You traveled thousands of miles, probably many of those on foot, into the complete unknown. All because of this thing called hope.

Now granted, evil exists and will use every opportunity to invade our minds, our hearts, and even our country. That's just the reality of living in a sin-filled world. But what we need to do is dig past what the world is screaming, which is mainly fear and anger, and see humanity. You know, the beings who were created in the image of God.

Growing up I had a violent, fear-filled childhood. I didn't choose that. I'd never choose that, even for my enemy. Pretty much every day I lived in fear. I was envious of friends who had a peaceful and "normal" home. I'd spend as much time as I could with them, just for moments of laughter and rest. I guess in a way you could say I was a refugee. Leaving a place I was plopped down into, a place of instability and loose footing at best, seeking a place to just live a bit better. And as a parent, isn't that all we want for our children? A bit better?

I've got to be honest, my friend expressed that her emotions were all over the place with this encounter, and regarding this crisis, mine are too. But probably unlike her, mine tend to go from "please come live with me" to "there is a right way and a wrong way and the wrong way, the illegal way, tells me something about your character and I don't like you." There. I said it. My dark side creeps in and rather than consult God on how I should respond, my flesh jumps on the mob mentality bandwagon. But the good news for me is, I at least recognize my dark side.

I will be processing my friend's story for a while. Especially when the news conference says "all the Haitians have been sent away and there are no more refugees under the bridge. 15,000 are no longer here. Zero." Instead of feeling emboldened or positive about this, I need to question my heart. I need to walk in their shoes, the best I can. I need to ask, "what would Jesus do?" I need to lose my life to find it. I need to not listen to Satan's whispers that my hard earned money will now be supporting these "illegals" instead of my family. I need to tune out when he says I will be assaulted or even killed as many entering are evil. I need to touch my soft comforter, sip my flavorful coffee, pet my cat, fluff my pillow, feel my furnace, and wonder why I'm so blessed, when others sleep in airports with their baby and only one bag of food, not being able to communicate. Can you even imagine their level of fear and confusion?

No wonder our emotions are all over the place. We are judging people we've never even met, based on half-known truths we're being fed. Perhaps it's time to change to a healthier diet. One where I decide what's healthy. One where God leads me, not man. It is overwhelming to me, I can't imagine what it's like for them. This should make me weep, not hate. I actually do both, sometimes in the same sentence. All this tells me I am both spirit and flesh, and the war for my soul is really what's on the line. The battle rages, but I get to decide who wins. The decision is mine alone.

It took a friend on a plane to get me to step back and realize there's always more to a story. So as you enjoy the comforts of your day today, from toothpaste to socks, from coffee to dessert, from laundry to a house to clean, pause. Pause and be that mom holding her baby on a plane traveling into the complete unknown, and say a prayer for her. And give thanks that you aren't her. Only because of Jesus' grace and mercy on your life.

Lately I've been covered under a blanket so thick I feel I can't breathe. Is there anything I'm good at? Do I have any level of worth? It's a feeling that goes deep and the thoughts that accompany it are pretty dark. Needless to say, tears flow. The ironic thing is, I have developed a women's retreat based on how we and society sees us, versus how God sees us. 
The real problem, at least for me, is that my self expectations are unrealistic. My bar is so high I'm not even sure Jesus could hit it. Self-sabotage some would say. In my head, since the bar is so high, why even bother. Right? 
So I need to reset. Reset the bar, reset my thoughts, reset my ideals, and reset my goals. Not eliminate them. I need to find patience with myself, accept that failure is part of the process, not succeeding the first time doesn't reflect my aptitude, just my inexperience. 
If you have a child competing in track, as an example, and they lose their heat, do you tell them to just quit? Usually not. You encourage them to try again. And that's exactly what God tells us to do. He's rooting for us!! He already has equipped us! He KNOWS we can... we just need to decide if he's worth crossing the finish line for.
Praying for all of us who feel like failures. Remember, feelings are deceptive. You've been given another day. That, in and of itself, tells us God believes in us.
​Ugh... resetting yet again. 

There is a popular song out now that actually has the words, "I'm thankful for the scars."  Thankful?? Scars are an indication that something was broken, whether flesh or heart or emotions. The breaking of something always leaves behind something else.  How can I be thankful for brokenness? 
I guess, in retrospect, I can have empathy with those who've lived through physical and mental abuse. I can show people how to survive, and hopefully, thrive. I can hold the hurting and relate on such a deep level that those who have never experienced it cannot comprehend. There's so many contrite sayings about being broken, the story of the practice of putting together a broken vase with gold, or the story of where there are holes the light gets in. Both are legit, but my issue is God allows brokenness.  Sin, the way we treat others, brings to light brokenness. 
I truly feel there are families in my life who have never experienced pain. I'm told that we never know what goes on behind closed doors. I'm confident that I do, in many instances. But here's the thing. I may not see their brokenness, their pain, their issues, but Christ showed me that no one... no one, leaves here without scars. He had physical scars from beatings too great to comprehend, scars from betrayal of a close friend, scars from others fleeing in denial of him, and scars of his father forsaking him. Physical, mental, emotional scars. He lived them all, only to overcome them and rise.  He rose not on his own ability though. It was God who raised him. How much clearer an example can we get? If we want to rise beyond our scars, we CANNOT do it on our own. "I can do ALL THINGS through Christ who gives me strength." 
I can and will continue to rise above my scars, with God's help, but I am thankful for my scars for they remind me sin covers this place, and when I look back, I can see how far I've come. 

For quite a while I've been avoiding it like the plague. "That's not me.' "That's not how I want to be known." "I don't want reminded." Soooo many reason to say no. No to joining meetings or workshops or online groups. No to attending "sessions" or even partaking of group phone calls. But recently I decided that my pain would not be for naught. I accepted the call to join an online widows group. God I hate that word. A word I'd never wish on my worst enemy. A word that changes your molecular structure until your final breath. A word that throws you into an identity crisis. A word that no one sees coming.
People treat you differently when you respond with that word after they ask why you're not married. "So young," I hear regularly before the pity hits. Expressions change, behaviors change, hearts change, all because of five letters. 
I don't want to be known as a widow. I want to pretend that it never happened. I want to believe it was a bad dream and at some point I will wake up. But reality is a cruel mistress. 
So, my recent revelation is to absorb this word. It is part of my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual self. The online widows group has gone global and is growing thanks to the leadership of my friend Karen. Some on there have only been widowed a few days and some a few years. Most don't know how to navigate the new normal, and some want to end it all. As they express their emotions and grief, I am taken back there as if it were yesterday. Adrenalin creates our memories, and holding someone as they die will definitely make adrenalin rise. I can only hope my words encourage them, help them breathe, and realize life can be had beyond the fog. But it's in this fog where we question, if we are no longer a spouse, just who are we? What are we?
In reading Revelation 2 this morning, God says he will write down a new name on a white stone and the only one who will know that name is the one to whom the stone is given. Throughout scripture God changes names. To me that says that our earthly name given by earthly parents really isn't our identity. Ultimately, we are God's children and he had a name for us before our first breath in this realm. That name, our true name, reflects our true identity. For me, I am a princess in a kingdom. I am beloved. I am allowed to return as a prodigal. I am wise and strong. I am given hope, and a guarantee that there is a plan to prosper me, not harm me. I am worth dying for. My value cannot be determined by man, for my father is of a different realm. 
While I will always hate the word "widow," I fall into the peace that comes with accepting a new identity. An identity given to me by Christ himself. And from that I will no longer flee.  

Colossians 3 tells us to set our hearts and minds on things above, not on earthly things.
Reading, knowing, and studying God’s word serves many purposes, but one of the greatest is to help us live in a healthy way.
I did it again today. I partook of a conversation that focused exclusively on earthly things, and God immediately put Colossians 3 in my head.
Set is an action, to place something in a specified place or position. Regularly we set timers and alarm clocks, goals and deadlines. Setting is an integral part of our lives. So why do we not regularly set our hearts and minds on things not of this place? Especially if it improves our health. This is not our home, after all. Satan knows when to catch me off guard and have me focus on all that is suffocating to a soul and darkens a spirit. He distracts me from the light that is just beyond the swirl of black. Setting takes focus, energy, and sometimes even strength, but for my health, and for your health, maybe it’s time to set our hearts, minds, ears, eyes, thoughts, and soul, on things above. God knows what will keep us healthy, but our enemy also knows. Distraction is one of his greatest ploys.
​Time for a reset, yet again.

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. - Psalm 51:10  Some versions use the word "pure" in place of clean. Clean, by definition, means "free from dirt, marks, or stains." Pure means, "free of any contamination; not mixed or adulterated with any other substance or material." Today this Psalm spoke boldly to me. It tells me I am not capable of keeping my heart clean. I need God to do so. 
Lately, I've been someone so dark and angry and hateful, that I don't even recognize myself. Road rage, judgement, and unrighteous anger against God's children. Yesterday, while driving home, I actually told God, "I can't believe you love all these jerks! People are a**holes!" And that's when I remembered I am to love my enemy, reflect His light, and grow His kingdom. With such darkness in my heart, there is no way I can accomplish what I've been created for. So I need God to clean my heart, because from the heart comes thoughts, from thoughts, words, and from words, actions. 
Colossians 3:2 tells us, "set your minds on things above, not on earthly things." This is one step in cleansing my heart. This life is polluted. This life will scar everyone. It's always a choice on how we respond. If my mind is set on God and His mission, then I have the power of heaven to help me respond in a non-worldly way. If I set my mind on social media, headlines, or even office gossip, I am choosing to set my mind on earthly things. Satan will manipulate us any way he can. So, today if you have anger, angst, ill will toward others, know it is not of God your father. You know the feeling. It's a darkness that builds inside you, from your heart, elevates your blood pressure, and ruins what few breaths you have left. Pray boldly Psalm 51:10 out loud, and Satan will flee. This is a war zone, armor up!

Never in my lifetime did I see this as a thing. The entire world under quarantine due to a microscopic germ. People are losing their incomes, their health, and even their minds. Freaking out to the point of hording guns, food, and even toilet paper. This is evidence of a world without God. "Fear not" is the most common phrase in the Bible, and it's usually followed by the reason why, "for I am with you," or "God has found favor with you," or "have I not commanded you?" The anxiety we are feeling is a bold, tangible, lack of faith. While many are making light of the situation or focusing on the sun shining, some are sobbing at their desks. I recently read on social media where a friend was pointing out positive things, and one woman replied, "people are dying! There's nothing good!" I had to click away before diving down a rabbit hole of debate. News flash, people die every day. We all are going to die. So the question is, why are we letting the darkness engulf us? Have we not an omnipotent, omnipresent, being whose power is so great that his breath created galaxies, not to mention functioning human organs out of dirt? Let that set in.
In times like these perspective is key. Satan wants us to feel angst, he wants to steal our joys and our days. So here's the question, if you knew you were going to die tomorrow, what would you do today? Would you cherish every second and live large, or would you crawl under a blanket and sob for 24 hours?
Perhaps God is giving us time to rest, time to laugh, time to see value in trees and woodland paths, time to read and nap, time to actually cook healthy food, time to play, time to be. Be still and KNOW...
We are approaching the day of Jesus sweating blood. His fear was beyond what we are feeling, but picture this. The garden was dark, cold, damp, and a mist lingered. Jesus put his head down, shaking, sobbing, crying out for another way. Then you approach. He looks in your eyes, the sobbing stops and a determination sets in. He takes your hand, looks heavenward, and says, "Your will be done." This for you! This man suffered and died so you would not fear!!! He walked, literally walked, away from death, and yet we are afraid. What will it take for us to believe, down to our marrow what we profess? If a pandemic doesn't do it, I feel nothing will.
Today's challenge, seek supernatural peace. But be aware, your enemy doesn't want you to find it.