Lately I've been covered under a blanket so thick I feel I can't breathe. Is there anything I'm good at? Do I have any level of worth? It's a feeling that goes deep and the thoughts that accompany it are pretty dark. Needless to say, tears flow. The ironic thing is, I have developed a women's retreat based on how we and society sees us, versus how God sees us.
The real problem, at least for me, is that my self expectations are unrealistic. My bar is so high I'm not even sure Jesus could hit it. Self-sabotage some would say. In my head, since the bar is so high, why even bother. Right?
So I need to reset. Reset the bar, reset my thoughts, reset my ideals, and reset my goals. Not eliminate them. I need to find patience with myself, accept that failure is part of the process, not succeeding the first time doesn't reflect my aptitude, just my inexperience.
If you have a child competing in track, as an example, and they lose their heat, do you tell them to just quit? Usually not. You encourage them to try again. And that's exactly what God tells us to do. He's rooting for us!! He already has equipped us! He KNOWS we can... we just need to decide if he's worth crossing the finish line for.
Praying for all of us who feel like failures. Remember, feelings are deceptive. You've been given another day. That, in and of itself, tells us God believes in us.
Ugh... resetting yet again.